Giving Up.

My computer has been out of commision for 4 weeks now! I have to admit Im going crazy without it. I never realized how much I depended on that thing for just about everything! Searching for ideas, researching whenever there was something on my mind, blogging, emails, maps....It was there when I needed it and now without my puter as well as no cable, I feel like ive gone back to the stone age! Im hoping to get it back soon.

I have many blogs I need to do but I dont know how many of them I will be getting done. There were 4 months of pictures on my computer when it crashed and I was informed (after 3 weeks in the shop) that he has only recovered half of Decembers pictures in that time.  YIKES!. Im trying not to stress about it. I asked Evan to bring his work computer home for the weekend so I can catch up on some of my things and I decided to take the opportunity to Blog.

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Im Giving Up.

Not in the sense that you may be thinking. Im not quitting. Its more like taking a stand.

I have been struggling for nearly 5 months now. Ever since Jacek was born. Thats right! Our handsome little Jacek is Driving Me Crazy!!! Ive never felt so close to rock bottom.  It was only early this morning that something changed. Im Giving Up.

Let me tell you a bit about Jacek.

He is amazing in every sense of the word. Since I was pregnant with him I knew he was gunna be something different. I even said in an earlier post about him that he will do amazing things one day. Boy was I right.

Hes "Intense". He laughs with passion and he Cries with aggression. There is no inbetween with him. He is either Happy, or Mad. He is shifted to high gear all the time. He wants toys-he loves toys-hes mad at toys, All in one instant. He already pulling himself along the floor to get whatever he sees and wants, and he gets mad because hes not getting there fast enough. Dont even THINK of taking that book away from him.

Hes "Hyperactive". He is ready to go all the time. He hates feeling 'tied down'. Being buckled in the car seat he sees only as restraint. He hates being swaddled to sleep but we do other wise his little limbs wont stop moving. He needs to be moving all the time. He doesnt like holding still for hardly an instant. He wants to go where Im going, see what Im seeing. When he sees something he likes his arms and legs just start going!

Hes "Draining". As quoted from Dr. Sears; "these babies extract every bit of energy from their parents -- and then want more". Wow did that ever nail it. He wants everything from me even when I feel I have nothing left. Im constantly holding, swinging, rocking, bouncing, walking, nursing, singing, talking and in the end usually crying because he is still needing more.

Hes "Hungry". He eats...a lot! I envy mothers who can go out for 2 hours without having to worry about their baby getting hungry because their baby goes 3-4 hours between meals. Nope. Not Jacek. Im lucky to get an hour. If I go out without him I have to feed him right silly other wise he will be a screaming mess when I get back.

Hes "Demanding". When he wants something he wants it...LOUDLY. There is no subtle ques to what he wants. He yells it. Occasionally I find a 'groove' that stays on top of what he wants so to make the day go by with a little less volume. But if that 'groove' gets bumped, heaven help me.

Hes "A light sleeper". Two nights. Thats it. Two nights since he was born has he slept for 6 hours in a row. Other than that, he doesnt go more than 4. And even that is rare. On average Im waking 4-5 times a night (and quite often more) to cater to his needs. And most of the time its to eat. He spends most nights in bed with me. Its sometimes the only way anyone in this house gets any sleep.

Hes "Unsatisfied". You can give and give and give and its just not enough sometimes. This seems to be where that dreaded word "Colic" comes into play when infact its not that at all. This kid can cry forever! Ill nurse, burp, bouce, rock, swaddle, give him toys, sing songs, play music, run water, find a distraction, try pain killers and still, this cute little thing will scream -- and scream...It seems nothing will sooth him.

Hes "Unpredictable". Just when I think ive found a solution, he changes his mind. He likes sitting, no laying down, try his tummy, try his back, that worked, no it didnt...and so on. He is happy, smiling, frowning, crying and laughing all in the same sentance. What worked yesterday definetly doesnt work today.

Hes "Super Sensitive". A cough, a sneeze, any sort of sudden noise could send him into a frenzy. It scares the living day lights out of him most the time. I have to switch out the toys constantly and still 5 minutes later hes yelling at them and completely over stimulated. He is overwhelmed easily and as much as he loves his two older siblings, he becomes aggitated quickly when they are trying to 'play' with him.

Hes "Affectionate". You cant put him down for long without paying a heafty price for it. He wants to be held all the time. He wants to know where you are at all times. He much prefers sleeping in your arms. He craves physical contact and will tell anyone off that deprives him of that.

Hes "Dependant". He cant sooth himself to save his life. He needs help. He will not take a soother, he refuses a bottle and distraction only last a few moments. I have found music to be a BIG help in this department but I am still required to play a huge role when it comes to soothing.

The description you have just read of Jacek is what they call "High Needs". A classification of Baby that one will never understand until they themselves possess one of these precious Beings. I know this because before being introduced to such description and of course having one of these Babies myself, I thought "high needs" whats just what people said to make their babies sound more troublesome then yours. Like there was some need to make it sound like they are having a harder time than another. I know apologize to any mother who has a High Needs Baby and didnt get enough sympathy from me.

Some of you may be feeling slightly sorry for me. Some of you may think what I used to think. Heck, some of you may think I dont know what im talking about! But you know what? I am SO okay with my recent findings. For months now I was trying to diagnose my Son with something that was 'wrong' with him. Doctors, friends and strangers would tell me he was "Colic" while others said "Reflux". I suspected digestion issues (which im still not ruling out). But while doing more research I discovered that he doesnt fit the "colic" description. I recently caved and tried some medication for Reflux just to rule it out. The meds didnt work. I was pulling my hair out trying to figure out "Why!?"when really -- there wasnt! So with that...Im Giving Up. Im not going to try and figure out whats 'wrong' with him. Because there isnt anything wrong. Hes Fine. Hes Healthy and I can still make him smile. Discovering this was a huge relief to me...and knowing that I have a 'High Needs Baby' is solution enough for me. I can work with that.

For those interested in reading more about "high needs", this is a fantastic resource...
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050400.asp